Thursday, April 8, 2010

If Only...

It is easiest to try to forget.

For if I think of the way he said "I love you," the way his eyes crinkled up in the corners when he smiled, or the fact that he'll never come home again...

I'm lost.

It is easiest to try & pretend that nothing has happened; to try & make myself believe that everything that is new & different around me...really isn't new at all.

When all I really want,
more than anything else,
is to go back to what we once had... to go Home.

No one knows what to say to me. I think they're afraid to hurt me in some way, but more often than not, it is that distance, that suffocating invisible thread, that hurts me more than any stumbling words ever could.

I wish that someone would wrap their arms around me & hold me. They wouldn't need to say anything at all, because I would understand...

wish that people would realize, that though the months go by, my heartache does not ebb. It's not something that will just go away. Each day I wake up wishing that this terrible nightmare my life has become would end up being just that...a bad dream. But it's much, much too real.

If only love, and death, and life
didn't hurt so very much.

Daddy, I ♥ you...


Melissa said...

((I'm sorry))

Mandy said...


It *is* hard to find the right words. I know. People don't know what to say to me either. Most people act as if nothing has happened, and then I have random strangers suddenly burst into tears because they overheard me say my mom died last year.

And I dont' know what I can say to you. I don't even know what your situation is. But I do know what it is to have your life turned upside down, to suddenly lose a parent and to feel that life will never be the same as it was before.
Everything in my life has changed, but after 6 months, I still feel numb. I feel as if I *can't* think about it, because I have to keep going. It is a hard, hard thing to go through in life, and my heart goes out to you. I will be praying for you.

Anonymous said...

I have been silent, Emily, for lack of words that seemed helpful or comforting, and for fear of hurting you. But I've only hurt you by that silence.

Forgive me.

Please know I've been praying for you, and holding you in my thoughts ever since change crashed so brutally into your life. If there's any help that I can give you... I'm here.


Jane Ellen said...

I'm bereft of words. I cannot imagine the pain and sorrow that torments you daily. Know this, dear friend, that if I was standing near you, I would give you that embrace you crave.

You're in my prayers, dear,
Jane Ellen

Carla said...

All I can say is that my heart goes out to you and I am *so sorry*. Wish I could be of better comfort for you...

Much love,

Millie said...

I'm so sorry.

I'm still praying for you!


Anonymous said...

I too lost my father suddenly several years ago. No one who has not lost someone close, can know what it is like - the shock, the actual physical and psychic anguish cannot be explained. It must be felt to know what it is. I have felt him with me at times and recently I dreamt about him. I had a conversation with him in my dream! What a wonderful gift. My heart goes out to you. Please accept my deepest condolences.