Wednesday-ish Plotting...

I always wake up feeling sluggish and exhausted on the "in-between" days of my work schedule. I long to crawl back into my warm bed and pretend that nothing else matters but a few more precious hours of sleep. But somehow, sleeping the entire day away just doesn't seem to work for me, no matter how late in the morning I'm finally able to lay my tired head down.

I've resolved to tidy up my bedroom the moment I am able to tomorrow, sluggish or not. Somehow, it has become suspiciously messy. Who crept into my room and left clothes, and dishes, and books, and books, and books lying around while I've been gone? Have any cyclones swooped through one tiny part of Michigan--specifically one tiny room--that I haven't heard about?

I still have several boxes that I haven't unpacked yet from our move. I just really haven't had the time, but the most frustrating part is where to put the things that are in the boxes. The closet in my new room doesn't have any shelves, just a bar to hang clothes. And the only "extra" piece of furniture I have besides my bookshelf, bed, and beloved WWII army cot is a smallish dresser I use for my clothes. I never realized how much I depended on and was blessed by my rather large closet just filled with shelves. So...I am going to have to figure out some storage ideas for all of my craft projects, supplies, and miscellaneous "junk."

I can't wait until my room is neat and welcoming again. I have a beautiful new throw and squishy pillows to make my little WWII army cot cozy and a soft paper lantern to throw a deliciously warm beam of light on my new little reading nook.

So for now, I am counting down the hours until I can be home with my beloved ones again; home making a messy room peaceful; home where my heart belongs.

Newman...

"I would like it if people would think that beyond Newman,
there's a spirit that takes action, a heart,
and a talent that doesn't come from my blue eyes."

Paul Newman

November...

I can hardly believe that November has crept upon us again. Where does Time take herself to?

These first crisp, autumnal days have been overwhelmingly busy ones for me. Beyond the extraordinary changes that have taken place in my life these past few months relating to my father, new challenges--difficult and bittersweet in turn--continually remind me that I can never take any aspect of my life for granted.

Sarah--my sweet, darling older sister--is getting married! As happy as I am for her, I can't help but long for the days when the most serious thing we had to worry about was whether or not we could convince our parents to let us stay up for just a leetle bit longer. I am so glad that she has found someone she wishes to spend the rest of her life with...but my heart is breaking over the fact that she will be moving so far away. What will I ever do without her??

Our days have been spent scrambling to finalize wedding plans & create the perfect menu for the bridal shower Elizabeth, my cousins and I have been planning for her. Melanie, Laura (aforementioned cousins) and I couldn't help but continually sigh as we traipsed after Sarah in the store as she was deciding on items to put on her registry. We all agree that this wedding business is too unbelievable. Who can believe that one of us is getting married...and picking out dinnerware? Though we are supposedly "all grown up," I can't help but feel that it's all pretend; just another one of our "dress-up" games.

Beyond the beautiful-but-crazy wedding planning, we all have been accustoming ourselves to the new job we started after our move a few months ago to a home closer to the rest of our family. The opportunity worked out for us quite well. A close family friend has an aunt with Alzheimer's disease who needs 24-hour care and as we have had experience dealing with this particular disease in the past--this sort of occupation for the three of us seemed a perfect fit for this time in our lives. The only real difficulty is the crazy hours. Right now I am working forty hours a week, but those hours are spread out over only two and a half "days." I work Tuesdays & Thursdays from 4pm until 8am the next morning & Sundays from 4pm until midnight. The most difficult aspect regarding this job is a definite lack of sleep. Beyond work, I hardly accomplish anything I want to these days as I am always so tired!

Once again, I am spending an evening at work when all I really long to do is curl up in a warm corner of our house, lighted against the creeping gloom of the outdoors, to watch a lovely classic film...something I haven't done in much too long a time.

Hmm...that isn't a bad idea. If I can only stay awake long enough...

Love,
Emily

Bogie and Bacall...

* * * *

Humphrey Bogart speaking of Lauren Bacall:

"She's a real Joe. You'll fall in love with her like everybody else."

* * * *

Lauren Bacall speaking of Humphrey Bogart:

"Was he tough? In a word, no. Bogie was truly a gentle soul."

Whisper...

Just today, in one of my old, worn out notebooks, I found a scrap of a story that I had written long ago. Truthfully, I had forgotten all about it. And though the writing is rough & unfinished, and you can sense a liberal stroke of the melodramatic style my younger self favored, there was something about this short piece that touched my heart. Something that, without my realizing it when I first scribbled it down, would touch my story, my life, all these years later.

I can only desire that someday the same note of hopeful expectancy that weaves throughout this short piece will be rooted truthfully in my own heart. For now, I cling to all that is familiar; I cling to the love I hold in my heart for my family; I cling to the hope that somehow we will make it through another moment....if only for the fact that we are together.

* * * * * *

"I still love him. I always will.
But I know now that I don't
have to be afraid to move on,
for I can never lose what we shared.

I can never forget.

There are still moments when I struggle,
when the world seems to spin around me
and I feel as if I can hardly breathe.

I desperately try to hold on to
everything that is familiar.

And in that moment I am lost all over again.
But I know that if I can hold on just a little bit longer,
I'll be alright...I'll be able to make it through."

Bogie...

"I came out here with one suit and everybody said I looked

like a bum. Twenty years later Marlon Brando came out

with only a sweatshirt and the town drooled over him.

That shows how much Hollywood has progressed."

Humphrey Bogart

Gene...

"Everyone should see Hollywood once, I think,

through the eyes of a teenage girl who

has just passed a screen test."

Gene Tierney