Isn't it terrible?
Here I was, all set to devote an entire post to the fact that I am disappointed for the very first time in my blog. Oh, I had some wonderfully legitimate reasons devoted to the topic...about how plain and insignificant and utterly un-wonderful my blog is. I hit some strong points in there for sure. Such as feeling sorry for myself about not having followers, not having readers....not having, not having, not having.
You might see a few changes around here, but I'm definitely not going to jump ship as I was all set to do...that is, before I remembered to focus on myself and not on everyone (or should I say everyone's blogs) around me.
I may not have exceptional photography to showcase, I may not be the funniest girl on the block...I may not even really have anything worthwhile to say. But when I really stop to think about it, I didn't start my blog with any of these things in mind. Maybe that's why I feel as if I lost that spark that kept me loving to write here. Maybe in all of my striving or hoping to be something that I am not...I lost the bit that was most important.
I once wrote that, "Someday I'll realize that my life, no matter how small, has meant something. That the things that I felt, and thought, and experienced, weren't small, insignificant things to be forgotten, but all took a part in the making of...well, me...and they thereby have a right to be remembered."
And suddenly I feel ashamed. I've let certain thoughts and feelings crowd in where they shouldn't have been. I took something that was fun and loveable and turned it into something stressful and disappointing. I let these unhealthy thoughts not only run away with my feelings towards my blog, but also other, more important things about myself.
I'm hoping that I've learned something from the younger me. Sometimes I get so focused on the here and now or the maybe and when, that I forget to focus on what really matters. As much as I want certain things to be certain ways in my life, I can never help matters along by grouching about them.
So...I suppose this post really didn't have any purpose at all. I suppose I just needed to hear the tapping of the keys and the sigh of my heart as I place my feet back on the path I've chosen to travel. It isn't always fun, and sometimes it is just downright satisfying to be a grump every once in awhile. But that isn't who I am. I know that with God right here, holding me between His fingertips, I can follow this path wherever it may lead.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Isn't it terrible?
Posted by emme at 6:16 PM