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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Thoughts...

Isn't it terrible?

Here I was, all set to devote an entire post to the fact that I am disappointed for the very first time in my blog. Oh, I had some wonderfully legitimate reasons devoted to the topic...about how plain and insignificant and utterly un-wonderful my blog is. I hit some strong points in there for sure. Such as feeling sorry for myself about not having followers, not having readers....not having, not having, not having.

You might see a few changes around here, but I'm definitely not going to jump ship as I was all set to do...that is, before I remembered to focus on myself and not on everyone (or should I say everyone's blogs) around me.

I may not have exceptional photography to showcase, I may not be the funniest girl on the block...I may not even really have anything worthwhile to say. But when I really stop to think about it, I didn't start my blog with any of these things in mind. Maybe that's why I feel as if I lost that spark that kept me loving to write here. Maybe in all of my striving or hoping to be something that I am not...I lost the bit that was most important.

I once wrote that, "Someday I'll realize that my life, no matter how small, has meant something. That the things that I felt, and thought, and experienced, weren't small, insignificant things to be forgotten, but all took a part in the making of...well, me...and they thereby have a right to be remembered."

And suddenly I feel ashamed. I've let certain thoughts and feelings crowd in where they shouldn't have been. I took something that was fun and loveable and turned it into something stressful and disappointing. I let these unhealthy thoughts not only run away with my feelings towards my blog, but also other, more important things about myself.

I'm hoping that I've learned something from the younger me. Sometimes I get so focused on the here and now or the maybe and when, that I forget to focus on what really matters. As much as I want certain things to be certain ways in my life, I can never help matters along by grouching about them.

So...I suppose this post really didn't have any purpose at all. I suppose I just needed to hear the tapping of the keys and the sigh of my heart as I place my feet back on the path I've chosen to travel. It isn't always fun, and sometimes it is just downright satisfying to be a grump every once in awhile. But that isn't who I am. I know that with God right here, holding me between His fingertips, I can follow this path wherever it may lead.

Love,
Emily

9 comments:

Eleree said...

Thanks for sharing your heart, Emily. Sometimes that spilling out is all one needs to remember the truth about what makes one grumpy.:) I find myself composing a blog post in my head all the time, sharing my thoughts on a page. It is only in my imagination and tends to never reach my computer, but it helps, nevertheless.:)

And please! Please! Never stop blogging! I don't know what I'd do without your wonderful blog to inspire me! Don't pay any attention to small things like lack of comments or lack of followers. It doesn't mean a thing! You've no idea how many people read your blog.:)

From a passionate supporter of "Songs I Sing"

Emma:)

Carla said...

First of all, I always enjoy reading your blog and would encourage you to keep on blogging! And you write a whole lot better than I do!

I know how you feel when not having readers for one's blog. I get disappointed when I have "0 comments" on a post...but that is silly because a blog's "goodness" and quality is not based on how many comments (or maybe even readers) you get. But yeah...we have to remember to not feel sorry for ourselves [just like I mentioned in my Thursday post].

Muley said...

I'm glad you've decided to keep writing here. It seems that every blogger, usually within the first year after they began, goes through a reevaluation and "crisis of faith," when they wonder why in the world they are spending so many hours working on something for so little apparent gain. At that point, they either decide to go on, decide to take a "breather," or drop out all together.

Any of those decisions is okay, if it's what you really want and what will keep you happy and on track. It's very easy to allow a blog to become your master, instead of just a tool or a pastime. Just make sure you're writing because you want to, not because you feel you have to to satisfy some cyber public you can't even see.

I've been blogging on and off for three years, and have had two extended leaves of absence. I keep coming back, for reasons I just can't explain, and I still after all these years have not figured out just what a blog is supposed to be. Maybe that's the fun of it -- it remains mysterious and puzzling.

I enjoy your blog. Keep it up -- if that's where you feel led.

Mamselle Clare Duroc said...

I've had those feelings about my own blog, too, Emily. And, oddly enough, in my last 'grumpy' mood I kept thinking: "Gee whiz, what I want is a blog like Emily's!"

Like the others said, your blog is beautiful and inspiring. It never fails to bring some freshness and beauty into my day.

God bless you, dearie!

(How is your health doing? Still praying for you!)

Me said...

your blog is a haven...

emme said...

Thanks so much for your comments, all...it can be refreshing to hear that I am not the only one who's sometimes frustrated with the blogging world...or themselves. :)

I must admit, I feel a bit embarrassed, though. Re-reading my post, I can only cringe, hoping that my late night thoughts didn't sound as if I was hoping for compliments!

Much love,

Emily

~::Maggie::~ said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

I know what you mean. Sometimes I let the fun of blogging go right down the drain because I worry if I have ANYTHING to say, or my blog is not as fun as some one else's....woe is me :)

This has been an encourager. Thanks!

Have a Blessed Day!
Maggie

Mandy said...

I love your blog, Emily!! I have been so busy lately that I haven't had much time for reading/commenting or blogging myself, but I always enjoy reading your posts. Blogging is difinitely hard. Sometimes I go a week at a time without posting simply because I don't feel like I can come up with a post interesting enough to read. But, I try to keep going, not only because of the friends I've met online, but because blogging is such a great way for me to get a different perspective on my daily life. I love your quote that one day you'll realize that no matter how small your life is, it meant something. How true!! Every life, in some way, leaves a mark on the world.

A.T.Raghu Nandan said...

just keep doing what you like doing.. enjoy life as it unfolds. nice blog